Radiational Darkness
by Voca
Summary: Lily is pretty and popular and quiet and smart - Severus isn’t as cruel as anyone in Slytherin actually he is—but in all the wrong ways and he really deserves better than he gets.


**radiational darkness**

. … .

There are thirty breaths of silence between the boys' words, and the girl's reply is lost to silence. There is no forgiveness or second chances in their eyes—and there is nothing left to say. Except—

. … .

—except no one in Gryffindor has ever dared make a move on Lily Evans. She's pretty and popular and quiet and smart (but in all the wrong ways) and she is most definitely going to go with James Potter. It's completely obvious even to those who do not _know_ the boy that Potter is not going to give her up without a fight and—

—and it's completely obvious even to those who do not _know_ that Lily Evans doesn't want anything to do with him. Lily doesn't want to be with either of them because they're too young to even really think about such things—after all, they're only fifteen. They keep promising and changing and trying (but in all the wrong ways) and now it's starting to drive her completely _mental_. Must they _fight_ over her, or can she decide for herself? (Because of course she has nothing left to say except to get out and leave her alone.)

"I'll fight you for her." James says leisurely, leaning against he stone-cold wall (or is it the other way around? is the wall just cold pretending to be stone, or is it actually a freezing cold stone wall?) "It would be an easy win."

"…That's why I don't _want_ to fight." Severus's coal black eyes narrow. "I _really_ don't want to fight." He sighs softly and glances sidelong at Lily—beautiful, kind, sweet Lily. He hopes (because wizards don't pray, they don't believe in praying) that she will see that he is sorry (terribly terribly terribly sorry.) He knows he will lose if he gets into a fight with… _Potter_ (that pure-blooded sonofabitch who doesn't fucking _deserve_ it—severus deserves it because severus is in slytherin and he is the only one who can really make lily happy because he _knows_ her, he knows _her_ and her thoughts and her ambitions and her dreams and her loves—because he _loves_ her.) It is completely obvious even to Severus and Lily and James _knows_ that.

"Ha! Poor Snivellus, you aren't even _worth_ the fight." James brushes back messy black hair and stares at the other boy with an arrogant smile on his face. That smile makes Lily ache inside because Severus doesn't deserve that look—Severus isn't as cruel as anyone in Slytherin (actually he is—but in all the wrong ways) and he really deserves better than he gets.

"Potter. Shut _up_!" Lily says hotly, and then flushes as red as her hair when that arrogant smile turns on her. "I mean it," she says over the lump in her throat and glowers, and her blush fades away as her anger becomes fury. "I don't want anything to do with _either_ of you! You're both vain, incompetent, and vile, and I don't want to be affiliated with vermin like that!" This last remark is half-shouted, and the sheer volume of it takes her aback—(Lily is pretty and popular and _quiet_ and smart.) She tries to tell herself that the sinking feeling in her stomach is relief… but Lily cannot lie to herself that well. She knows that she's feeling relief or anger anymore—nary a spark of either emotion—but regret.

Severus's eyes go wide. "L-Lily…" he says, taking a step backwards, knocking into James, who backs away quickly, staring into Lily's bright green eyes—and neither of them know what to say. Then both boys turn and look at each other, and there is fury in their eyes, a pure unadulterated hatred for each other. There are—

. … .

There are thirty breaths of silence between the boys' words, and the girl's reply is lost to silence. There is no forgiveness or second chances in their eyes—and there is nothing left to say. Except—

(except that i love you and i always will and you will never never never know, not in a million years and even if he takes you away, i will forgive you and i will love you)


End file.
